worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
