So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
