she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Your cock deserves a montage
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
