Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
