the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
