I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
