Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
