guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
