Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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