waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
