I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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