Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Randomize
