Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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