first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Your cock deserves a montage
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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