I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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