If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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