I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
there was a trapeze. enough said
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
