my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
