I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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