Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
This is evicking siegelnvs
This is fucking ridiculous*
and technically it was a rebound
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
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Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
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I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.