I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
