My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
