my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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