My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
