i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
