I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
