I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
