you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
That accounts for only three of the penises
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
