My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
