I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm having to shit out rocks
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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