if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Operation Purity has been aborted
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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