i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
These tits shall not be calmed
He shit in the fireplace
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
