apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
