Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
