I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
