Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
