I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
