oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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