i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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