College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
