The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize