Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
