you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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