Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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