I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
