If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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