My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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