someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
