so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Is this like a preordered booty call?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
