i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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