she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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