I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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