if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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