I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
