so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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