these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
this is an emotional support booty call
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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