i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
