He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
