And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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