i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
