I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
