Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
