I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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