I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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