So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
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Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
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Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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