Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
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